A love story delayed: Ukrainian couple seal their vows after years of discrimination
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taring at the altar in the vibrant decorated backyard of a Bellevue home, the aisle lined with white roses, Olena couldn’t help but tear up. She and Iryna, her longtime partner, had been through so much — war, discrimination, harassment, violence, abuse. They had wanted to get married seven years earlier, but same-sex marriage is not recognized in Ukraine.
When Russia invaded, Olena, Iryna, and their daughter Yeva were in Poland on a work trip. They went to the border to help fellow Ukrainians who were fleeing the violence.
But they found that Poland was even more homophobic than Ukraine. After they fled to Spain, they found themselves among Ukrainian refugees who would ask Olena, “Where is your husband?” And turning to Iryna, “Who is she?” Olena said people treated them differently after learning they were a couple.
In Seattle, they were finally in a place where they could openly express their love and feel safe as a family. When Iryna, in a white suit with a veil in her braided hair, saw tears on Olena’s face, she wiped them off. They linked arms and together they began to walk down the aisle.
Their story is harrowing, but it is not unique for LGBTQ+ couples to experience harassment and abuse in Ukraine, according to Anton Levdyk, who is from Ukraine and works with Outright International, an LGBTQ+ advocacy organization.
“I am happy that today in Ukraine, discrimination is prohibited by law, in the workplace, and the media,” Levdyk said. “But still, you may have neighbors who just hate you because you’re LGBTQ+.”
Levdyk said it was especially risky to be openly gay in Western Ukraine, where many residents hold Orthodox Christian beliefs. Unfortunately, that is the area to which many Ukrainian refugees have fled to escape the Russian invasion from the east.
When they were refugees in Spain, Olena and Ilyna actually considered returning to Ukraine, despite the ongoing war and bloodshed. They were facing bias in their shelter, they spoke no Spanish, and both women struggled to find work and make enough money to survive. Even though Ukraine was in the midst of turmoil, they thought it might be a safer option for their family.
That’s when a friend insisted they come to the U.S. and stay in Seattle. But even in the Northwest, the couple has not completely escaped threats and bias.
During an interview with KUOW, someone threw something at the door of their apartment, where many Ukrainian refugees live. Their daughter Yeva speculated that whoever threw something might know that her parents are gay or that they were talking to a reporter about LGBTQ+ rights in Ukraine. (Because the family has faced discrimination in their home country and remain at risk of harassment in their Seattle apartment, KUOW is identifying them only by their first names.)
Despite everything they’ve been through, Olena and Iryna were overwhelmed with relief and joy as they walked down the rose-lined aisle and stepped up the backyard altar, where their officiant, Washington State Supreme Court Justice Mary Yu, was waiting. Yu is a longtime advocate for LGBTQ+ rights, who has been marrying gay couples since such ceremonies became legal in Washington state back in 2012.
“I want to remind everyone that this is not just a ceremony, it’s a legal ceremony,” Justice Yu told the assembled crowd of friends and loved ones. “Today, because of this ceremony, the state of Washington also offers protection to them as they move forward as a family.”
Olena and Iryna exchanged rings — the same rings they had used during an unofficial wedding they held seven years earlier at their house in Ukraine. Now, finally, after all those years, and so much trauma, and so many relocations, their bond was finally being recognized; they were officially a family.
“On behalf of all those present and by the authority vested in me, I now formally pronounce you as spouses and partners in life,” Yu said.
With that, Olena let out a scream and she and Iryna embraced. The backyard crowd erupted in cheers and applause.
RELATED: Listen to KUOW reporter Natalie Akane Newcomb discuss the process of reporting Olena and Iryna's story.
