'Holiday Reflections': It's The Thought That Counts

You've probably heard the phrase, "It's the thought that counts."

That's the theme of a holiday series we're bringing you this month, because 'tis the season for a number of holiday traditions and stresses, even if you're not celebrating anything in particular.

For some folks, 'tis also the season for some complicated feelings.

We're acknowledging all of that with some personal essays from the KUOW staff.

In our third essay, KUOW's Mike Davis reflects on bygone family traditions that started — and ended — with his grandma.

Holiday Reflections

When I was kid, Christmas started on Thanksgiving.

Every year, our family would gather for Thanksgiving dinner at my grandmother’s house. My grandmother was the best cook in the family. I remember making my plates and seeing her smile as I piled on a heap of her stuffing. I’ve always hated stuffing — but I loved her stuffing. And both my grandmother and I knew how upset my mom would get because I ate grandma’s stuffing and no one else’s — not even my mom’s.

After Thanksgiving dinner, when the football games ended and Uncle Jerry awoke from his traditional food-coma, we would write everyone’s name on little pieces of paper and drop them in a hat. Then, we would all draw names for our Christmas gift exchange.

Christmas dinner would be at my Auntie Rosie’s house. We would all come together again for music, laughs, love and, of course, food. I can still taste my grandmother's mac and cheese. Nobody made mac and cheese like my grandma.

After dinner, we would have our gift exchange. Everyone would try to guess who had pulled their name or other folks' names, and through the energy and commotion, we would each present someone with a gift. These were never expensive gifts — but they were meaningful. Drawing the names at random led us to each learn a little bit more about one another, making our relationships more intimate as the years rolled by.

My grandma died in 2011, and unfortunately, this holiday tradition died with her. We haven’t had another Christmas gift exchange, and I haven’t had not one bite of stuffing.

Reflection has become my tradition. Every year as the holidays come back around, I think back to those days when my grandma was here. Those were the best holidays. The whole family sitting around the table, taking turns saying what we were thankful for on Thanksgiving. Coming back together a month later and having our gift exchange on Christmas.

Back then, the holidays meant family. They meant all of us being together.

Now, the holidays mean planning. Deciding where to go and what to do. Seeing some family members one year but not the next.

But most of all, the holidays bring me a sadness — and not just because I miss that stuffing and mac and cheese, but because my family has slowly drifted apart since 2011.

So, this year, as you all celebrate the holidays, hug your family and friends extra tight. Because for some of us, there is pain and sadness behind our smiles that will never go away.